Who is Chan Cleah?

Hey there, Curious Cat! Well, to answer your question “Who is Chan Cleah and why would I want to read this?” I have to say – I am just as clueless as you are, Trust me. Also, you’ve already spent around 12 seconds of your precious time on this page, which you’re never gonna get back, so why not round it up to a minute and then hit the ‘Back Key’.

To put it formally, I cordially invite you to peep into my secret world. Namaste people.



Here are some facts about me which might be of help in getting an idea of who this Chan Cleah is, and what the page is going to be about. First things first-

 

1. I suffer from depression. When I say this, I am not ranting about exaggerated depression like any other teen. I have been in this phase for years now. And before depression engulfs me completely, I will do whatever it takes to beat it. Well, that partly explains why I am here.

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2. I am talented. Really talented. And some of my talents include ‘Being Over Appreciative of Myself’, which you must have already found out. I do a hell lot of things, which my parents believe I shine at. But, honestly out of the infinite number of things I do, I excel at none. I am just ‘Mediocre’.

So, I'm mediocre

 

3. I love writing… Poems, short stories, EVERYTHING! I love writing so much so, that I had made up my mind to grow up and be a writer. But then, like the end of most other dreams ‘Reality’ happened. I later realized (rather was fed the fact) that my passion for writing is better left in the torn pages of my journals.

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4. I love to dance and I mean it when i say LOVE TO DANCE. But again, all my passion ends up in mediocrity.

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5. I also love singing, though I lag far behind mediocrity when it comes to my voice. Sad life.

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6. I speak Bengali, English and Hindi. I tried to learn Arabic, staying in the Middle East for 3 years, but left it halfway due to, ummm, laziness.

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7. Now this forces me to rethink, if I am a normal kid. I feel cold ALL THE TIME. No matter what season it is, what temperature it is, I have to live with this.

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5. I tend to stay alone most of the time. So yeah, you can call me the perfect introvert. ‘BORING’ is not something I would love to hear.

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6. I am  pretty infamous. Solely because, I AIN’T GOT NO KANYE TO MAKE THIS BITCH FAMOUS. Haha. Well, on a serious note the credit for this defamation partly goes to the rumour-mongers I am surrounded with, and the rest of it goes to my immature self making some terrible decisions.

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7. I grew up as a Professor’s daughter, which maybe didn’t turn up a really good deal for me. I have grown up in the campus of a renowned college, amidst professors, lecturers, and their ‘Oh-so-brilliant’ kids.  And since childhood, I have kept hearing about me being a sureshot student of the same college in further years. I got this enrooted deep inside me and as I grew up, I started yearning for it so bad. But then, working hard was never really something I was fond of… So, despite the brains I QUIT. Not that I cannot possibly grow up be one, but I have given up trying… Midway! I HATE MYSELF FOR THIS, BUT STILL DO NOTHING ABOUT IT.

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8. I am a sucker of manners. And I do not care if you have to slightly fake  being extremely well mannered, to fit in my world. But GOOD GENTLEMANLY MANNERS is a must.

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9. I am always mistaken to be a highly egoistic brat. True that I demand attention a little more than 90% people, and also am very short tempered. But then, I believe I am a really nice person who hates sugarcoating things to impress others. Also, I don’t entertain drama at all and am the ideal ‘Straight On Your Face’ girl. Maybe this is why I have such hardluck at making friends, and when i finally do, most of my friendships don’t sustain for a long time.

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10. I run on an extremely low confidence level. I wasn’t like this always, but gradually as years rose in digits my confidence level dropped in doubles. Now I am so unsecured about everything around me. Paranoia haunts me so bad. I haven’t yet found a solution to this despite my desperate attempts. But perhaps SOMEDAY! 

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11. I am an Escapist. I give up real quick. And this relates with my low confidence levels.

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12. I suck at relationships-Family relations, friendly relations, romantic relations- all possible types of relationships! None hold on, nor do I.

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13. Now, this is the first time I am admitting this. So, I have always secretly aspired to become an actor or model someday. I mean, a lot of girls have this dream in the back of their minds right? But perhaps, very few are as scared to talk about this dream, as I am. I am very well acquainted with the fact that I have not got a very beautiful face, nor do i have the perfect chiselled physique. Yeah, i know inner beauty and talent would come up at this point. But none can deny that physical appearance makes a huge difference, atleast in the fashion industry. So I feel talking about a dream as such in this body of mine, would only invite silent humiliation.

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14. I try covering up my insecurities and complexities with this positive, funny, sarcasm filled… In short, with an “I AM SUCH A COOL PERSON” attitude.

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15. I am very complicated. I cannot simply express or talk about how i feel. To anybody. Not even my mother. This calls in for more misunderstandings in my life.

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Woah! I had no idea of what to write a few minutes back, and now i stand with a really long write-up. Now I know what I can write about in my upcoming blogs. Yayyie! Content found.

Also, you have spent much more than a minute here. And it didn’t cost you anything at all. So, mind visiting me every week for once? I mean I am a great person, and you seem a nice one too… Like, you stuck around to read this boring piece for long. We, nice people can be friends, I believe. See you soon! Perhaps next week.

21 thoughts on “Who is Chan Cleah?

  1. I don’t know of the phase I’m in,is depression or what.But I surely feel down and have been feeling so for more than couple of years.

    I am also a mediocre person.I am like “jack of all trades and master of nothing”.I have also quite a few talents,but hav’nt been able to excel at any of them yet,mainly because of the fact,I didn’t worked on any of them quite enough.I have also turned into quite a lazy person,these years.

    I have not been able to relate to anyone like I have been able to do so now by reading your blog.I would have liked to write more but already have written quite a long story.Probably I must also write a blog.
    Would be waiting for your next blog.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. “Woah! Glad to know that I am not the only one feeling this way.”-was what i wanted to write. But then, it is surely not the happiest of feelings. Anyway, I shall come up with my next blog really soon, stay tuned. Also, writing about what you feel helps, you must definitely give it a go. Peace.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Hi chan…well what can I say?
    I love that you are facing depression head on..and coming out stronger by writing a post about how you feel..its a lovely post. Glad I stumble on your blog..can’t wait to read what’s next…
    Welcome to the blogging world

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I don’t even know how i ended up here, but i can say word for word i know how you feel.
    You have my utmost respect.
    – This coming from a 23 year old ‘man’ who is supposedly successful in what he does.

    Liked by 1 person

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